So much cleaning up to do. Who knew?

 ...I should have but I guess I just forgot.  I just made my art tutorials and demos invisible on my YouTube channel and closed my second channel and closed my Threadless account and I'm about to close my Fine Art America account and it's so simple. I was never a good journaler.  I think I never got the point. I treated it more like a diary and there wasn't much of interst to tell myself. I was bored with each journal. Lots went in the trash or pages were torn out so I could reuse the notebooks. But since I started to "write" essays a couple of weeks ago I discovered a new form of therapy. Well, maybe it's not really therapy. But while writing my Pink Jeep Journey essay I found lots of side roads and wandered down all of them. The things I just menitioned were on one or two of them. 

I really do need to work on my closet and on the art and art supplies in my studio that is now considered an office/digital dark room by me. But I'm so tired and so bored by the notion I wish I had a personal assistant to take care of all of this for me. But I don't. I'm a part time librarian and a full time caregiver fitting in my expressive nature whereever I can. Baby steop. 

Oh yes. The point of this entry. I love the digressions I'm doing in my essay. The evolution is insane and freeing and I am realizing new things all of the time and some real crap is coming up. My mood is not the best. I wake up at 2:30 and can't get back to sleep. Maybe that's why I'm so on edge but I think it's the "stuff" coming up. I'm sort of trying to do a Swedish Death Cleaning. Well, I am Swedish and I am cleaning but I'm really just trying to free myself. I already feel so much lighter. That's what I've wanted for the past few years. To lighten my load; limit my footprint; focus on one thing; me. I'm always focused on family and work and my ever dimishing artistic abilities but not me.

And while I'm on about art I always knew I wasn't a great talent but I was a decent artist. I just couldn't really find my medium. And with each illness I fought harder and harder to regain what I called my hand and I came to realize that it was never going to happen. I was going from decent to mediocre and while I may never be anything but a mediocre essayist or photographer it doesn't matter. Focusing on me; writing stories (since I have always considered myself a storyteller even though others haven't), and learning about myself is freeing. The other great thing about personal essay writing is that punctuation doesn't matter, at least not to me. 

I don't know if any of this makes any sense to anyone but me but my Pink Jeep Journey photo essay is still a work in progress as am I. I'm 75 plus years old and I'm still the  wet clay being molded into an impossible masterpiece. Is that too preachy? What the hey. 

I'm on a new creative path

...and it is photography. I've been taking my own reference photos for decades as have many visual artists but I have to the realization that I'm not improving and my art will never improve; at least not to my satisfaction. I prayed about this struggle in with 24 hours all desire to draw or paint was gone. Just before this happened, I started looking at my photographs of the SW and NY and FL and more. I'm a good photographer. I was a good photographer. Any visual artist can be good at photographic composition. Its an innate ability. Now, I am not great about lighting. Lots to learn there but with technology as it is that can be overcome. 

So long story longer, I  bought an inexpensive point and click camera that takes  better photos than my 20 year old Sony and I began just getting used to it again. I thought I would need a much better camera at some point; one with a proper zoom lens and a lens hood but not yet; Maybe not ever. This has to come out of my checking account and I'm not there yet. And then I struggled. Abstract photography as I done before or B&W or regular images. And how would I share that. I wasn't concerned with how I would make money from it. I made little from my art as it was. But how to share it. So I prayed again. I am learning to pray for guidance, not things. Last night while at work I was looking at other people's photos. Its okay. I'm a librarian and researching on the web for nonlinear info is acceptable. Its actually how we widen our knowledge base because everything is always changing.  

Still a long story with a light in sight. The words appeared in my head. PHOTO ESSAY. It made sense. I did a bit of research to see what other photographers had done it all made sense. I will share my work through photo essays here and on YouTube. With hundreds of photos at my disposal I will create essays and now I know why I'm taking photographs. And yes, my handy tool, Powerpoint will be a perfect conveyance on YouTube should I chose to share on YouTube. I'm still unsure. I still have this blog and it may become my main venue for essays and photo essays. As the old proverb goes, a picture is worth 1,000 words and my photos tell me stories. Now which stories will resonate with you? 

Ill let you know when my first essay is up but here is one of the photos:

Back on track?

 I was directed, guided, shown AI Animation and I knew I had to have it. Way back in 1985 I saw a demo of Director software and knew I wanted to do "that" and I made due with PowerPoint. Now its 40 years later and I'm ready. I am putting aside my other media and working exclusively with photography and animation. 

I asked Spirit for direction and within 24 hours I had lost all interest in painting and drawing or any other form of tactile art. Maybe I'll go into my history with photography down the line but not now.

Follow this link https://youtu.be/lIgOjrElKJc?si=M4LoEJT5UzRku3Xx to see my first animation. Its of my last, possibly last forever, pan pastel drawing.  

I'm taking my time. Planning my projects patiently. Well, until i know the software better. Ill be altering my photos with Photoshop. Spoiler alert. I'll be raising a dinosaur from Red Rock country. 

OMG!!!

 Well, I drew a picture of a cardinal in graphite and it was pretty good. Right now I'm working on a pen and ink drawing of a juvenile Red Tail Hawk. I haven't worked in pen and ink in over 40 years. I used it for cartooning while I was studying art and as a second grade student learning to write  with a dipping pen for the very first time. 

I

 

I have my hand back! Right now I am planning my next pen and ink project and I will continue until i master or remaster it. And I have my energy back. Well pretty much. My body feels happy. It happeneded yesterday while I was at work and im about to go into the library now for my Sunday shift. I even feel I will be able to clean my bathroom. So cool. The Holy Spirit has awakened me. Healing is here and WHOA!  After 6 months of illness I began to wonder if my prayers for renewed health would be answered but they have been and are in process. 

I don't usually bring faith into my blog posts but I always pray for healing during my illnesses and I always get healed. And I always get my hand back.

Back to pen and ink...this will be more intricate drawings than my coloring books but I want to develope my style so that will take a few drawings. Then I'll start recording again. I find it difficult to record and explain my process while im developing said process. But I'll share my final work.

Oh. I just received my new ink. Its a cartooning ink so I hope it will be a but darker. I'm not sure if I prefer fountain pen, nib pen or marker. Of course I can use all three. 

Ill stay in touch. I hope you had a happy Hanukkah and I wish you a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year 

Still waiting

 Thanksgiving week and I am without inspiration or creative drive. I care because I think I should. My older sister and I will be sharing our version of Thanksgiving dinner; dinner cut of deli turkey, mashed potatoes, turkey gravy, cranberry sauce, sautéed French cut beans and apple pie. 

I'm still fatigued, back to my day job; barely getting through my 4 hour shifts. I shouldn't be back at work but I need the money. This isnt what I saw as my golden years. I can't even draw. Art is my sanity and I am on empty.  I was watching some of my videos. I'm a good artist. Was a good artist. I don't know that im an artist anymore. 

Last week someone tried to scam me. I was so happy; flattered for 3 minutes. I didn't trust Mary, the woman who wanted to buy one of my paintings. I told her when I got a PayPal payment I would send the artwork. Can. I use Venmo. I set up a venmo but kept throwing up roadblocks. Mary still wanted the piece. I sent her the address. I received an email from Venmo a out professional accounts and blocks unless I upgraded and it would cost $500. PayPal scam all over again. But I used a different email for the Venmo account so I knew this was fraud. I told Mary as much. Yeah. It would have been nice to sell a painting. I can certainly use the money but Mary and her ilk will burn in Hell. I pray for her or his unwitting victims. But the minute you have to pay to receive payment know its fraud. It should never cost you to sell your artvunless you have a legitimate agent. 

It's ern a long, long time...

 ...as the song goes.

When last I wrote about my joyous artistic experience with acrylic inks and paints and Neocolor 2 I was looking forward gallbladder removal, hernia repair and stoma relocation. I thought I would be healthy; take a mo th to recover and get back to art and the library. It did t work out that way.

It turned into readmission and it will be 2.5 month recovering. But that's now the worst of it. Once again I can't draw or paint; in fact have no desire. My arms and hands are weak. I suspect nerve damage  because of 4 blown out IVs.  I haven't been diagnosed because im not going to let anyone do anything to me. Its possible the condition will heal over time. I realize now what I blamed on Covid two plus years ago was probably the same thing. And I was nearly getting back my artistic mojo if you will. But this time is worse. Even my handwriting has suffered. 

Oh and the day before I came home, my older sister fell and hurt her shoulder so I have been  caring for her and myself with some help from family. Her surgery was yesterday so back to square 1. Sleeping on the sofa to near her is now a joy and rest is fleeting at best. 

If you've read this far thank for "hearing" me out. I promise that this is the last woe is me post, i hope. This afternoon im going g to take some time to experiment with loose watercolor painting. Ive been watching YouTube videos of painters who use a lot of water and let it, the water, do the work or the painting.

Wish me luck. 

When pigs fly

 

...and they're tired they skeep on large, fluffy clouds. 

In Sweden and China pigs are good luck. And once again, this painting was a joy. 

Using acrylic ink to create an evening sky with reds and oranges and whites and blues. Then I used Neocolor 2 crayons to paint the pig and fluff up the clouds. The video is in process and prints are available on Threadless for anyone who would enjoy having a sleeping pig on the wall.