So much cleaning up to do. Who knew?

 ...I should have but I guess I just forgot.  I just made my art tutorials and demos invisible on my YouTube channel and closed my second channel and closed my Threadless account and I'm about to close my Fine Art America account and it's so simple. I was never a good journaler.  I think I never got the point. I treated it more like a diary and there wasn't much of interst to tell myself. I was bored with each journal. Lots went in the trash or pages were torn out so I could reuse the notebooks. But since I started to "write" essays a couple of weeks ago I discovered a new form of therapy. Well, maybe it's not really therapy. But while writing my Pink Jeep Journey essay I found lots of side roads and wandered down all of them. The things I just menitioned were on one or two of them. 

I really do need to work on my closet and on the art and art supplies in my studio that is now considered an office/digital dark room by me. But I'm so tired and so bored by the notion I wish I had a personal assistant to take care of all of this for me like Wayne Dyer. When he decided to walk away from his possessions he had his assistant do all of the heavy lifting; tossing out the books and memorabilia he didn't need any more. I always thought it was sort of cheating; not having to take a second look before tossing everything; not deciding to hold on to this one little thing.  But I don't have a personal assistant and I have to do all of that and it's exhausting to just think about. I'm a part time librarian and a full time caregiver fitting in my expressive nature whereever I can. Baby steps. 

Oh yes. The point of this entry. I love the digressions I'm doing in my essay. The evolution is insane and freeing and I am realizing new things all of the time and some real crap is coming up. My mood is not the best. I wake up at 2:30 and can't get back to sleep. Maybe that's why I'm so on edge but I think it's the "stuff" coming up. I'm sort of trying to do a Swedish Death Cleaning. Well, I am Swedish and I am cleaning but I'm really just trying to free myself. I already feel so much lighter. That's what I've wanted for the past few years. To lighten my load; limit my footprint; focus on one thing; me. I'm always focused on family and work and my ever dimishing artistic abilities but not me.

And while I'm on about art I always knew I wasn't a great talent but I was a decent artist. I just couldn't really find my medium. And with each illness I fought harder and harder to regain what I called my hand and I came to realize that it was never going to happen. I was going from decent to mediocre and while I may never be anything but a mediocre essayist or photographer it doesn't matter. Focusing on me; writing stories (since I have always considered myself a storyteller even though others haven't), and learning about myself is freeing. The other great thing about personal essay writing is that punctuation doesn't matter, at least not to me. 

I don't know if any of this makes any sense to anyone but me but my Pink Jeep Journey photo essay is still a work in progress as am I. I'm 75 plus years old and I'm still the  wet clay being molded into an impossible masterpiece. Is that too preachy? What the hey. 

I'm on a new creative path

...and it is photography. I've been taking my own reference photos for decades as have many visual artists but I have to the realization that I'm not improving and my art will never improve; at least not to my satisfaction. I prayed about this struggle in with 24 hours all desire to draw or paint was gone. Just before this happened, I started looking at my photographs of the SW and NY and FL and more. I'm a good photographer. I was a good photographer. Any visual artist can be good at photographic composition. Its an innate ability. Now, I am not great about lighting. Lots to learn there but with technology as it is that can be overcome. 

So long story longer, I  bought an inexpensive point and click camera that takes  better photos than my 20 year old Sony and I began just getting used to it again. I thought I would need a much better camera at some point; one with a proper zoom lens and a lens hood but not yet; Maybe not ever. This has to come out of my checking account and I'm not there yet. And then I struggled. Abstract photography as I done before or B&W or regular images. And how would I share that. I wasn't concerned with how I would make money from it. I made little from my art as it was. But how to share it. So I prayed again. I am learning to pray for guidance, not things. Last night while at work I was looking at other people's photos. Its okay. I'm a librarian and researching on the web for nonlinear info is acceptable. Its actually how we widen our knowledge base because everything is always changing.  

Still a long story with a light in sight. The words appeared in my head. PHOTO ESSAY. It made sense. I did a bit of research to see what other photographers had done it all made sense. I will share my work through photo essays here and on YouTube. With hundreds of photos at my disposal I will create essays and now I know why I'm taking photographs. And yes, my handy tool, Powerpoint will be a perfect conveyance on YouTube should I chose to share on YouTube. I'm still unsure. I still have this blog and it may become my main venue for essays and photo essays. As the old proverb goes, a picture is worth 1,000 words and my photos tell me stories. Now which stories will resonate with you? 

Ill let you know when my first essay is up but here is one of the photos:

Back on track?

 I was directed, guided, shown AI Animation and I knew I had to have it. Way back in 1985 I saw a demo of Director software and knew I wanted to do "that" and I made due with PowerPoint. Now its 40 years later and I'm ready. I am putting aside my other media and working exclusively with photography and animation. 

I asked Spirit for direction and within 24 hours I had lost all interest in painting and drawing or any other form of tactile art. Maybe I'll go into my history with photography down the line but not now.

Follow this link https://youtu.be/lIgOjrElKJc?si=M4LoEJT5UzRku3Xx to see my first animation. Its of my last, possibly last forever, pan pastel drawing.  

I'm taking my time. Planning my projects patiently. Well, until i know the software better. Ill be altering my photos with Photoshop. Spoiler alert. I'll be raising a dinosaur from Red Rock country.